Posted on by synnatra

I’m Hamilton and SnK trash so yeah

This is a crossover literally no one asked for…wrote this while listening to this ~

Let me tell you what
I’d wish I’d known

When I was young and
dreamed of glory…

You’ve have no control

Who lives, who dies,
who tells your story…

The sun slowly peaked out from behind the clouds. He was not
normally a fan of the sun—it was a blinding inconvenience most days—but he was
more than happy to welcome the familiar warmth as its rays enveloped him. Too
many days of nonstop freezing rain had almost ruined his mood.  

But when you’re gone

Who remembers your
name?

Who keeps your flame?

Who tells your story?

Gravel crunched harshly under his feet, but the sound barely
registered to him. Thorns bit into his fingers, and blood lazily dribbled down
to the grass underfoot.  Even after all
this time, this part never got any easier. Erwin had done so much for him, yet
the pain never seemed to dull…

I stop wasting time on
tears…

Another farewell to another dearly departed…another year already
gone…Yet he couldn’t bring himself to cry. His tears had dried eons
ago. His mind had tormented him as the years trudged on—chiding him for not
shedding nearly enough tears for the
most important person in his life. Painful as it was, he took a little solace
in the fact that Erwin would not hold that against him. He placed the roses
before the marble slab. He’d had no time for tears.

And I’m still not
through…

I ask myself what
would you do

If you had more time?

The Lord in His
kindness

He gives me what you
always wanted…

He gives me more time…

Levi had done all he could to preserve the commander’s
memory. So many had fled from the Corps. The thought of fighting the beasts in
and beyond the walls was a distant and all-too-terrifying dream for most, and with
Erwin gone, the soldiers’ morale had plummeted sharply. Levi remained; Hange remained,
but even Humanity’s strongest and smartest could not keep the unwilling there. Civilians
demonized and harangued Erwin, but the troops needed him the most…

You could’ve done so
much more if you only had time

And when my time is up,

Have I done enough?

Will they tell your
story?

Levi had dedicated himself selfishly to his
Erwin in life, but in death, he had clung to the last shred of the commander’s
memory. And others swiftly followed his example.

Levi completely poured himself into freeing humanity. Into
seeing what exotic lands and worlds lay far beyond the walls. He’d strolled up
the coastline by himself countless times; he had marveled silently at the sheer
size of the ocean as it pitched and heaved mightily and lapped gently at his
bare feet. Hell, he’d even felt something like joy as the sand squelched and clung
to his toes. But despite the novelty of the experience, he would always return…

 The orphanage…

Erwin had brought up the topic of children and adoption in
one of the more quiet afternoons in the solitude of his office. He’d been so
blasé about his desire to adopt; as if his life wasn’t hectic enough. Levi had
scoffed at the absurdity of the idea. Erwin was adept with soldiers; Levi had a
hard time imagining the commander being anything but hilariously inept with snot-nosed
toddlers. But, of course…

In their eyes I see
you…

I see you every time…

Many of the children behind the thick walls of the orphanages
had seen enough trauma to last a lifetime, and they’d dared to keep their heads
held high. Levi had seen that same hopeful spark reflecting deep in his
commander’s deep blue eyes. That same hope had resonated in his deep voice, it lingered
in each word of motivation, in how he presented himself. To his troops. To
Levi.

And when my time is
up,

Have I done enough?

Will they tell your
story?

“Perhaps at a later date. Some other time.” Time. Erwin hadn’t been given nearly
enough, and Levi couldn’t believe how much he missed those small moments of
vulnerability. It was nice to see Erwin as a man and not as a commander. Not
many could say they had that privilege. Levi could feel his throat tightening…

Oh, I can’t wait to
see you again…

It’s only a matter of
time…

Levi felt a small tug on his arm. He peered down, and met a shy
glance with a curious one of his own. The child at his side then pointed at the
words carved into smooth slab of marble before them. Levi could see pride swelling
on the small child’s face as his smile grew wider and wider; he’d seen fit to name
himself after the brave, fallen commander who had sacrificed his life for
humanity’s freedom.

Levi cast one more glance at the headstone then looked at the
child beside him. Perhaps the Erwin at his side would have more time. He’d live.
He’d grow strong and tell tales of the Survey Corps and their courage to his
own children. And they would watch and learn with eyes as wide and hopeful as
the commander’s own. And one day Levi would join his commander. A small smile
crossed his face, and finally, a few tears spilled over his cheeks. Yes. That
would be enough…

Who lives, who dies,
who tells your story?

Posted on by synnatra

@trashforthetrashblog, I’m sharing the love. Chapter 81 spoilers in tow~

What do I do now?

The hollow, white eyes before him mirrored the despair
creeping up his throat. He couldn’t bear to look at Levi’s limp form, much less
his face. Frozen in some twisted mixture of betrayal and shock. It had all
happened much too fast for either of them to register.

What do I do now?

Erwin hardly remembered anything. He had been sprawled amidst
fallen comrades in a sea of rippling red. A sharp pain pulsed through his side.
His mouth and nose were flooded with the scent and taste of iron and copper,
then he felt a blinding heat envelope him entirely. All he’d remembered was the
heat slowly scorching his body.

So unbearable, so
stifling, so close.

Did Levi’s death even register to him amidst the sweltering
chaos? He had not remembered grabbing the other man so harshly. Crushing and
snapping his limbs and contorting his body between enormous, indelicate fingers.
He had not remembered slipping Levi’s broken form into his gaping maw. The brutal
clash of teeth gnashing together had not registered to him.

How could I do this?

And yet here they both were. What remained of Levi’s body
lay lifeless in his grasp.

Steam hissed and crackled about Erwin’s exposed form. Erwin
couldn’t react. Not to Levi. Not to his arm—newly restored with his sudden
transformation. Not to the soldiers above and around him screaming at his
mindless brutality.

What do I do now?

Posted on by synnatra

smackermans:

Because @trashforthetrashblog is a thirsty person. I may continue this, I don’t know. Long af thing incoming.

“You know, I don’t make a habit of inviting people in
without getting a name or some shit.”

 The other occupant of the apartment let out a rumbling
chuckle, and a shiver bolted up Levi’s spine as the low sound reached his ears.

“Well, depends on who you ask. I have many names. But you
can call me Erwin.” Levi hardly appreciated the cryptic answer, and a part of
his brain absent-mindedly wondered when the hell Mike was coming back.

Fuckin’ dumbass just
had to go to the sketchy-ass Laundromat tonight. If he’d only pulled his big
head out of his ass and fixed up the fucking washer we had here, I wouldn’t
have to deal with this shit here…

Keep reading

Posted on by synnatra

Because @trashforthetrashblog is a thirsty person. I may continue this, I don’t know. Long af thing incoming.

“You know, I don’t make a habit of inviting people in
without getting a name or some shit.”

 The other occupant of the apartment let out a rumbling
chuckle, and a shiver bolted up Levi’s spine as the low sound reached his ears.

“Well, depends on who you ask. I have many names. But you
can call me Erwin.” Levi hardly appreciated the cryptic answer, and a part of
his brain absent-mindedly wondered when the hell Mike was coming back.

Fuckin’ dumbass just
had to go to the sketchy-ass Laundromat tonight. If he’d only pulled his big
head out of his ass and fixed up the fucking washer we had here, I wouldn’t
have to deal with this shit here…

Granted, the strange man was only on Levi’s couch because Levi
had invited him in. His mother—God rest her soul—instilled quite the sense of philanthropy
in him; he couldn’t just refuse to help another man in need. Besides, said man
wasn’t too terrible to look at. Well, save for the injuries he had
sustained.

Even through the black tuxedo he was wearing, vibrant
patches of blood poured through. Erwin had claimed that he was at a party a few
floors down, and some guests got a little too rowdy, and things had gone a
little south then.

Levi had shown no interest in the revelry and debauchery
going on in his apartment complex, preferring to use the rare gift of a weekend
off as an excuse to get some much needed sleep, but even he had heard the
crashes and grunts of effort as the scuffle ensued floors below.

The party had long since ended—the landlord didn’t take too
kindly to such loud and outrageous behavior—and everyone was to return home
immediately. Erwin’s home was “across the river”—the trek to the river took an
hour, traffic allowing—so the next logical step was for Erwin to find somewhere
to crash for the night.

Levi had caught a glimpse of the man shambling up the
stairwell, too many drinks in his system, clutching his bleeding forehead in
his massive hand. Levi had fought the urge to rip open his door and just
blatantly invite him in. The man was nothing short of attractive with his slicked
blond hair and striking pale blue eyes. His voice was a low rumbling purr—smooth
like silk with a hint of a rasp. Any sensible person would have to fight himself
or herself to not faint at just the sound of it.

And yet despite his appeal, no one had let him in. Levi supposed it was only fair; not many were
willing to open doors for a bleeding stranger at one in the morning.

So why the fuck did I
let him in? Something about the young man had captivated Levi. Yes, he
looked good, but thirst could only get Levi so far. Then just what the hell was
it about Erwin?

“Who’s this guy?”

Levi almost jumped from his skin and his heart lurched into
his throat.

“Jesus titty-fucking Christ, Mike…fuckin’…”

“I asked if anyone was home…” Mike shifted the laundry
basket to his right hip and again affixed his gaze upon the stranger occupying the
couch. “Who’s this guy?”

Levi sighed, dragged Mike towards the kitchen, and recounted
the situation Erwin had given him at the door. For the sake of his pride, Levi
cut out the bit where he became immediately enamored with the tall blond
stranger.

Mike acquiesced with a slight nod, then paused and turned
back to Levi. “Just…make sure he goes home in the morning….something about him just doesn’t seem right.”

He then continued his journey towards his room, his basket jostling
against his hip with each step. He gave a curt nod to Erwin as he passed, and
Erwin graciously returned the gesture with a small smile of his own. Levi meanwhile was frozen after hearing Mike’s warning. If Mike thought
something was up with Erwin…Mike put an exorbitant amount of trust in his
intuition, and that trust was well earned; that gut instinct rarely led him
astray.

Levi sighed as he entered the room Erwin was in. He barely
registered the sound of the kitchen door as it whined in its hinges when Erwin
spoke up.

“Is everything okay?” He asked rather cautiously, as if
probing too deep would get his ass thrown back out into the hallway. Levi raked
a hand down his face—that was probably a sufficient explanation of the current
condition of things—but he lied through his teeth anyways.

“Yeah…and why the fuck should you care? Shouldn’t you be
resting or something?”

“Levi…I was in a little scuffle, not a war. I’ll be fine
even if I miss a couple hours of sleep. Besides I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m
tired yet. I’d like to talk for a while.”

Levi squinted his eyes suspiciously before firing back. “I
never told you my fucking name…how do you already know it?”

“I’m not that scary, Levi. I just saw it on one of your
papers.” Erwin motioned at the mess of papers scattered carelessly across the
surface of the coffee table before him. He suddenly winced as his movement
jostled one of his injuries.

“You just opened one of your wounds again, haven’t you?” Erwin sheepishly nodded.

“Fuckin’ idiot…I’ll go get more bandages and then we can
talk or whatever…” Erwin patiently waited for Levi to get back and was greeted
with a hand offering a tall glass of water.

“Mike wants you gone in the morning…” Erwin glanced up only
to meet a profile of Levi’s face. No further explanation was given, and the
message was clear. Be gone and sober in the morning—not necessarily in that
order. It was obvious, though, that Levi did not share the sentiment, if his
shameful, averted gaze meant anything.

“Thank you.” Erwin took the glass graciously, if not a
little stiffly, and downed about half of it in one giant gulp. “I’m not one to
suffer hangovers frequently, so I’ll be out of your hair soon enough. I am
terribly sorry about inconveniencing you and your flat mate, though.”

“Shut up,” Levi growled, his attention now fully devoted to
untangling the ends of bandages. “Take off your jacket and shit again.” Erwin gently
placed his water on the coffee table before him before wordlessly acquiescing. Within
seconds his shirt and jacket were thrown on the opposite end of the couch, and
he could hear Levi grunting beside him. “Now, you said you were from…across the
river?”

“Ah…yes.” Erwin answered.

“That’s where all those rich assholes who give way too many
shits about their stupid-ass reputations live.” Erwin could give no answer. The bluntness of Levi’s question
completely threw him off. He stuttered for a response, not even sure how to
begin composing one.

“But you’re not like them, are you?” Levi finally managed to
find one end of bandage. He hesitated as he beheld Erwin’s bare chest once
more. Goddamn it. For once, Levi, think straight thoughts. Levi
almost lost his composure at the thought. Like he knew what straight thoughts
consisted of. They were damn near impossible to think with Erwin’s abs glaring
at him.

Levi hastily discarded the now blood-soaked bandages in a
nearby trashcan, muttering about how absolutely disgusting blood was. Sure
enough, the gash was open and pulsing fresh blood again.

“You must’ve been in one hell of a fight. What the fuck did
they bring? A fuckin’ shiv?”

“Well, they sure as hell used it like one. They broke a
bottle,” Erwin clarified, hissing as Levi gracelessly doused his arm in more
rubbing alcohol.

“Oh, don’t be a baby…” Levi growled, briefly scraping a
cotton ball across the affected area.

“I’d like to think myself a gentleman. I stepped in before those
drunken men could get…how you say? Handsy with the hostess.”

“And I’m sure she was waving around her fucking handkerchief
as she watched her sorry ass knight get booted from the party. And who said
chivalry was dead?” Erwin chuckled again; with such proximity, Levi felt the air
around him vibrate with the sulky tenor of the sound. Levi needed to get this
over with quick before he fell further into this man’s charms. His hands trembled
and fumbled as he attempted to tie off the bandage.

What is it about this
man…?

A massive hand gently lay across Levi’s, and immediately
Levi froze. Erwin might have come across as a giant, warm, overall approachable
person, but his hands were of ice. Yet, Levi found a sort of comfort in the
contact; his hands stopped their convulsive fit, at least. But those hands left as soon as they came, and Levi saw the
other man avoiding his gaze consciously.

“I-I’m sorry. Your hands were shaking and…I’ve always had
bad circulation…”

“Shut up,” Levi snapped once more, as embarrassment dusted
his cheeks with a dark shade of red. “Anyways…your neighbors must suck ass. They’re
all jacking off onto their piles of money and shit, congratulating themselves
on how far they’ve made it. I’m sure you must be used to the party scene over
there now, huh?”

“Honestly, it’s…rather quiet where I live.” Levi tied off
the bandage with a soft grunt but soon his attention was back on Erwin.

“You’re shitting me? If they weren’t so goddamn rich, they’d
be getting noise complaints left and right. How do you not hear them? You said you pretty much brushed assholes with ‘em.”

“It’s just…quiet,” Erwin reiterated cryptically. His pale
eyes peered straight ahead, as if he were looking through time itself.

“Uh-huh,” Levi muttered, clearly not buying anything Erwin
was saying now. “So what kind of job do you have?”

“Hm?”

“Job? Source of income? So you can rub assholes with those
snobby, rich boys across the river.”

“Oh, I’m universally hated.”

“Okay, that doesn’t fuckin’ answer my fuckin’ question,”
Levi snorted. “Let me guess, lawyer? Doctor? You charge poor asshats a billion
dollars for some shit that can be fixed at home. Which one gets the most shit
on, I wonder? Which is it?”

“Undertaker.”

“What? Bullshit.
No fuckin’ way that horseshit makes that much money. You have to had gambled and won big or
sat the fuck on a street corner or something.”
A part of Levi was firmly incredulous. The other part was seething at
the fact that a lowly undertaker could somehow make more money than ever could
in a lifetime.

“You don’t know how much I wanna strangle you for that, but
I’ll let it slide because I wanna be a fucking nice person…Now, why in the fuck
would people hate you?”

“I handle the bodies of dearly beloved ones. People who were
living, breathing souls just days ago. Just doesn’t elicit much sympathy.”
Erwin stated matter-of-factly.

“Why the fuck? Shouldn’t they be mad at the fucking shitty
ass situation that got their ‘dearly beloved’ killed or something? Or life? Or, hell, even
God?” Why was Levi so quick to defend this man’s bizarre choice of career now?
He had wanted to skin him alive for it earlier.

“Eh, comes with the territory, I’d say. I’m rather used to
people thinking I’m some sort of monster.”

“Ah, well, fuck ‘em. You get haters no matter the job.
Whatever helps pay the bills…I still refuse to believe that just undertaking pays all your damn
bills, Erwin. But, whatever, the dog I live with wants you gone by sunrise and
I’m not gonna be the asshole who keeps you up all night.”

“I don’t blame him for not wanting to let a stranger in.
I’ve met many like him: highly intuitive people. Trust their guts because
they’re hardly wrong. But I won’t be in your way tomorrow. By the way, I rather
enjoyed your company tonight. Believe it or not, my profession doesn’t allow
for a lot of conversation, so it’s nice to talk to more lively people.” Erwin chuckled at the pun, and the glare Levi shot
him could’ve froze the fires of hell.

“Fuckin’ idiot,” Levi growled out, now disenfranchised by
Erwin’s supposed suaveness. “You goddamn talk too much. Go to bed.” Levi made
sure to give Erwin directions to the bathroom, should the urge to vomit or piss
arise in the other man—Levi would’ve loved to not clean any mysterious fluids
off his couch in the morning—and bid Erwin a curt goodnight.

“Goodnight…Levi.” Erwin let the name roll off his tongue
like melting butter, and Levi fought the urge to comment on just how pleasant
his name sounded in Erwin’s mouth.

No need to be so
forward with a man you’re only going to see once…Thoroughly chastised, Levi
trudged towards his room, wedged comfortably between Mike’s room at the end of
the hall and the bathroom.

His bed was such a welcome sight upon such a long day. He
fell upon with all the grace of a drunken horse, thoroughly exhausted by the
events of tonight, and planning to sleep in the next day. Sleep found him
sooner than he found it that night, and as the last dregs of consciousness
faded away, thoughts of Erwin played in his head.

 Levi woke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. He cast a
hesitant glance at the clock on his nightstand, and almost sighed in relief
when he saw that he’d successfully slept in. An improvement considering he
hardly got any kind of sleep during the week.

Must’ve been tired or
some shit…or was it because you had happy thoughts of…

Levi stopped that train before it started careening uncontrollably,
pushing through the kitchen door with a zombielike groan of “Coffee.” Mike already had a mug of steaming energy in one massive
hand. He acknowledged Levi with a grunt—clearly, neither Mike nor Levi had had
their customary fix of caffeine.

“There’s more in the pot.”

“There fuckin’ better be or I’ll make good on my threat to
get you fuckin’ neutered.”

Mike took a few hesitant sips of coffee as Levi dragged the
mug Mike had thoughtfully brought down for him across the counter. It rasped
and screeched as it grated across the cheap surface, but Levi could not have
been assed to lift the thing off the counter, and Mike didn’t have any
complaints to make about the sound—he was thoroughly engrossed in his coffee.

Levi was focusing on not missing his cup and sending himself
to the hospital, when Mike interjected easily.

“He’s gone, by the way.”

“Yeah, I sorta fuckin’ figured. Didn’t see his ass laid out
on the couch.”

“But he left you this.” Mike handed him a neatly folded note.
On the front in hasty but bland scrawl, was Levi’s name. Mike’s handwriting was
akin to that of a six-year-old hopped up on Adderall and cocaine, and unless
there was a friendly ghost who enjoyed writing notes to only him occupying the
apartment as well, Levi knew just whom the note came from. Levi opened the note
with one hand, bringing the cup of coffee to his lips and enjoying the sting of
scalding, bitter black coffee as it dribbled down his throat.

I enjoyed our chat last night. I look forward to seeing you again in the
future.

Is that it? Levi’s
eyes scrambled desperately across the page, looking for something else. Would
he be an asshole if he just assumed that Erwin would give him something to
contact him with? A number? Hell, he’d settle for an email address. Surely
enough, a number was printed innocuously in one corner of the page along with a
messy scribble of Erwin’s full name in cursive.

“Asshole,” Levi snorted, but there was no vitriol in the word,
and he was sure Mike could see the smirk he was trying to contain slowly
breaking out across his face.

Posted on by synnatra

More of Eruri Soulmate AU because I have no self-control and far too much time on my hands…

(first two parts here and here)

How his resolve had
crumbled…Levi clenched his teeth bitterly, barely stifling curses under
bated breath.

Levi had planned to let his legs take him as far as humanly
possible from that apartment, but he’d hardly made it down the first two
flights of stairs when his stupid brain decided that now was as good a time as
any to start deliberating on shit.

“If you left, where
would you go?” The question had been stuck in Levi’s head since he’d left. Truth
be told, he still didn’t know. No one wanted him around: not Nile, not his damned
uncle, and certainly not Erwin.

Pretty apparent that
he never liked you to begin with. And why would he? You weren’t worth his
pretty little time. Your mum would be so…

Levi’s fist forcefully collided with the wall, and even in
his blind fury, he could feel the angry bite of pain as it raced through his
arm. Why? Why did that voice always have to sound like Kenny? However
irritating it was, the voice was right. Like it always was…

Levi descended down the rest of the stairs. He clutched at
his injured hand as each step he took jostled it more and more.

His feet led him back to his long-abandoned hovel of a house.
He remembered the day the two of them—they were only children then—first found
it. The main rooms had done nothing but collect dust and mold and cobwebs. The
place reeked of piss and desperation, but at that time, so did Levi and Farlan. He’d done
his best to clean it up, and the two both had driven any
intruders—thankfully none were bigger than a housecat—from the premises.  

Peace was a fleeting miracle—gang wars and police brutality
ran rampant just outside their door. Then Isabel quite literally barged into
their lives and shattered any semblance of peace that had settled over their humble
abode forever. She’d been fleeing from some cops who were willing to let her
off the hook for some petty crime for a “small favor” in return. Levi had seen
to them almost instantly, and no one on the streets was all the wiser when the
crooked cops who’d had a “taste for younger women” went missing from the force.

Levi could almost hear her laugh—shrill, loud, and mirthful—echoing
off the walls. He’d envied her; Isabel had been reared in much tougher conditions
than he had, and yet she still found some fleeting quality in life worth
smiling and laughing about. She could always find something to be grateful for.
She could still be spontaneous and fiery even in the midst of despair and
torment; Levi couldn’t say that about many people.

And Farlan…he was only slightly older than Levi, but the
wisdom he had extended beyond his years. Levi found himself going to the older
boy for advice—and Farlan was more than willing to supply it—but he’d always
give Levi free reign over his own choices. Farlan was almost too smart for his
own good, and his intellect went far beyond what he’d learned on the streets. He
could’ve given Erwin a run for his money, and Levi would’ve loved to have seen
that: two shrewd young men trying to strategize, plot, and scheme against each
other. Who would win?

If they were
here…would they hate me? I let them wander off. I let them die. They weren’t even twenty, dammit. They could’ve
had the rest of their lives ahead of them, and I let them go…God, I’d trade my
miserable life for theirs if it meant they could be here right now…

Levi cast a longing glance at the sky. It had shifted from a pale gold to a deep, simmering purple…For all he knew they
could’ve been matching his wistful glance with a disdainful one from above.

Of course, there I go
overestimating the worth of my life. No amount of bargaining with whatever
stupid thing up there is going to bring any of them back….

But the thought lingered in his mind, heavy, depressing, and
unwavering. He’d give everything up in a heartbeat for those two—he was sure of
it.

But then, like always, there was the question of Erwin. Any
meaning in Levi’s life had been lost to the annals of time as each struggle he
faced and each heartache he passively endured stripped away at his will to live.

But Erwin…How would he feel? If Levi just keeled over, how
would the other man react? Would he
react? The man was so damned adamant about Levi’s role in his life.

He was willing to put up with Levi’s shit—which was more than
Levi could say about Nile. Erwin was more than happy to accommodate so Levi’s
stay—however brief it was—wouldn’t be unbearable. He’d tended to his wounds,
fed him, clothed him, and allowed him into his own personal space without
asking for any favors or gifts in return. And it seemed he really didn’t want
Levi to leave—even if his reasoning seemed a bit…off.

Levi sighed. Goddamnit…All this thinking did nothing but
give him a massive headache. A chill had steeped into the air and it passed
through Levi with all the precision and grace of a dulled blade. For the third
time in little less than a week, Levi made his decision.

Posted on by synnatra

Tfw tumblr fucks up your story because it sucks. Anyhow this is a continuation of the Eruri soulmate AU I wrote like a million years ago (if you want to read it here is the link). Also am rededicating this to @trashforthetrashblog because she was thirsty and I was feeling generous~

“Smith, I can take a fuckin’ hint. I can tell when I’m not
wanted.” Before Erwin could even reply, Levi was staggering for the door.

“Levi, stop.”

“Why should I? I should’ve known this was all a crock of
shit…” Levi’s fingers clenched around the doorknob; his mind was made on the
matter, and he was seconds from walking out.

“Levi…” What was it about the other man’s voice that made
Levi stop? It had been almost a week since Levi had moved into Erwin’s
apartment—Levi really had no reason to trust Erwin—and yet he gave the other
man more trust than he’d give to most. Fingers twitched against the brass knob,
then stilled completely. He’d listen to what Erwin had to say.

“What?” There was bite in Levi’s tone; Erwin would have to
tread carefully.

“I’ll admit it was wrong of me to not give you a warning
about my roommates before bringing you here…”

“Uh-huh…” Levi didn’t sound convinced.

 “…And for that I apologize. I also apologize on behalf of
Nile. I know he’s not exactly the most…hospitable of people.”

“Assholes are just going to be assholes.” Levi snorted. Was
that Levi’s way of accepting Erwin’s apology?

“…And I’ll also apologize for Mike…” Levi bristled at the
name. If Levi’s first impression with Nile was bad, then his first impression
with Mike was much worse. At least that’s what Levi thought.

Mike had silently crept up behind Levi as he and Nile were
“hitting it off,” and gave the much smaller man his own version of a friendly
greeting. Of course, Mike’s version of a “friendly greeting” involved a
gratuitous amount of sniffing. The less-than-subtle sound, of course, effectively
got Levi’s attention, and he’d whipped his head around so fast, Erwin was
worried the other man would have to be rushed to the nearest hospital due to
whiplash.

Levi had gone off at Mike then, comparing his likeness to
that of a dog and otherwise bashing Mike’s character with a barrage of
inventive swears and insults. Erwin had never been more thankful that Mike was
chill about virtually everything. (Mike would later tell Erwin that Levi amused
him too much for him to get insulted.)

But just as Erwin was about to escort Levi away from the
scene he was causing, Nile took the opportunity to jump on Erwin’s back about
how brainless Erwin was for “bringing in a stray and letting him crash on the
couch in the main room.”

Levi had taken that comment to heart more than he let on, if
the current situation that was unfolding was of any indication. Levi had not
moved an inch from the door, but something
about his posture said he was on the verge of changing his mind.

“I know I don’t let on much, but…I like having you around,
Levi.”

“Why? I’m just a waste of your space. You don’t even know me, for Christ’s sake. All you did
was take in a worthless-ass stray, Smith. That’s fuckin’ all I’ll ever be.”

Erwin winced, all too familiar with the bitter sting of
rejection. Nothing hurt worse than not being accepted. He had maybe a handful
of friends growing up, and his closest friends entertained him with countless letters
and words but could otherwise hold no conversation. Erwin wasn’t a monster,
despite what many believed, and he certainly wasn’t about to let Levi walk out.

“I’ll talk to Nile. He was wrong to say what he said.”

“Nah, no need to give that stupid shitbag any more ammo
against me.” Levi could practically hear Nile bitching now, in his trademarked whiny
tone, “Oh, so the little punk went running and crying to you instead of talking
it out with me first? What a bitch.”

 The guy’s gonna bitch
about something either way—he’s just that kind of asshat—but I don’t want my name
to come out of his damn mouth while he’s crying. I just need to leave…

“Levi.” A shadow towered over Levi’s own. Erwin’s hand
pressed against the door, effectively blocking Levi’s exit. Levi kept his head
down. Erwin was in such close proximity to him and his body was reacting
accordingly. His heartbeat drummed deafeningly in his ears and time crawled to
a halt around him.

“If you left, where would you go?”

Back to the streets…?
Back to Kenny’s? No warm welcome awaited him in either of those places. But in the end, it didn’t really
matter where he went, as long as he got the hell out of Erwin’s apartment.

“I don’t fuckin’ know. Somewhere.”

Why would you care? The
underlying question lingered in heavy silence.

“Levi, I can’t let you go back out there.”

“Why?”

Erwin honestly felt
like the scum of the earth, sitting there trying to think through a reason why
Levi shouldn’t walk out that door. Erwin wanted to keep the other man close for
his own reasons, but Levi didn’t need to know them, and he probably didn’t want
to hear them either.

I’ve waited for so
long to meet this man; He’s definitely the one, I know it. I can feel it…I can’t just let him walk out of my life
now…

Thought like a bratty child unwilling to part ways with
their favorite toy. Levi was a grown man, not some brainless plaything Erwin
could just bat around at his every whim, and ultimately the decision to stay or
to go was his alone.

One thing that managed to assuage Erwin’s guilt was the
genuine concern he felt for Levi. If the other man left, he’d just get swept
back into the cycle of violence that plagued the streets. Even under the guise
that he was concerned for Levi’s wellbeing—and he truly was—Erwin felt guilt
roiling mercilessly in the pit of his stomach. Erwin knew any harm done to Levi
would ultimately harm him in the process, and that was the last thing Erwin
wanted.

 “You…you might get hurt.” Erwin ran with his excuse anyway,
as guilt happily gnawed away at his conscience. Levi probably already saw right
through the flimsy excuse.

Self-centered.
Childish. Greedy. What a piece of work you are, Erwin Smith…You can’t hold on
to everyone…you should know that already…

“I’ll take my chances.” Levi seemed every bit as satisfied
with Erwin’s excuse as Erwin was making it. Sensing a lull in Erwin’s defenses,
Levi took his chance and slipped out of the door without another word.

Posted on by synnatra

I have no idea why I decided to write this, but I did it anyways. Just a heads up, there is some triggering content in this story, so please feel free to avoid it. It’s also long as fuck for no good reason. At any rate, this is a sort of eruri Soulmate!AU that I thought up at like 4 in the morning, so enjoy.

“It was you.”

Levi ignored the blond in front of him. There was no anger
or accusation in the other man’s tone, so there was no need for Levi to expend
any more energy getting rid of him. Levi hastily swiped his unoccupied hand
across his chin, muttering darkly about blood and uncleanliness. His other hand
was still pressed against his left side, trying to staunch the flow of blood
there.

The blond man, tired of being ignored, hastily dropped his
groceries and knelt down before Levi, wincing slightly. Levi would’ve reached
for his gun, but he’d carelessly chunked it after the fight had ended. The
blond man rolled up his sleeve, revealing a multitude of horizontal white
scars. Levi’s eyes widened.

They all were too perfectly even to be anyone else’s
handiwork. Levi always had had a streak for perfection…

It can’t be…

“See?” The blond pressed, a mixture of hope and desperation
in his deep voice.

“It’s too damn dark, I can’t see that.”

The sun might have been setting, but Levi could see that one
oddly shaped scar on the other’s arm. He had that exact same one, and he
remembered everything. 

Erwin grinned and bore his way through dinner that night. His
father was prattling on and on about the probability of an individual having
more than one soul mate, but Erwin had long since tuned him out. He was aware
of the concept of soul mates—everyone
was—but he’d hardly given the idea any thought. His mind was much more occupied.

His arm was on fire.
And his legs were too. He must’ve been quite the spectacle walking back home
from school, just rubbing and scratching everywhere. Erwin was lucky he’d
maintained his lonely kid status throughout his childhood. Teachers and students
alike ogled from a distance as the gangly and awkward fifteen-year-old Erwin
Smith staggered home.

Now dinner was in front of him, and he’d barely made a dent
in it. His father’s educational tirade could only go on so long before he
noticed Erwin’s sudden lack of appetite.

“What’s wrong, son? I thought spaghetti and meatballs was
your favorite? And why are you wearing your coat? Are you cold?”

“I think I might’ve caught something.” Erwin held in another
cringe as pain raked across his arm again. God only knew what lay underneath
his coat, but if the pain he was in was indicative of anything, it probably
wasn’t pretty.  

“Well, then, you need to go lay down for a while. I’ll come
in and check on you later.”

Erwin acquiesced with a nod and a low “Yes, sir.” His father
said he’d take care of clean up. Erwin migrated slowly to his room, a feeling
of dizziness swarming his body as he stood. He opened the door and slowly
approached his bed. Once seated on the edge of the bed, he slowly and delicately
removed his coat, wincing through the entire procedure.

Scars littered his
entire arm. There was no blood, thankfully, but each slash was equally
spaced from each other. Erwin rolled up his pants and saw even more angry, red scars
sporadically marring both of his legs.  

Whoever my soul mate
is…they must be hurting a lot…

Erwin’s soul mate had clearly harmed themselves, and the
damage had subsequently affected Erwin. Logically speaking, if Erwin did the
same…

Erwin abruptly got off his bed and moved to his desk. He
flicked on his desk light and went to work searching for something. He rustled
pages of notes and drawings, pushed heavy textbooks to the ground, and
scattered pencils and pens until he found his desired object: a pair of
scissors.

Erwin sighed, resigning himself to his decision. He honestly
didn’t want to resort to this, but maybe this was the only way he could send a
message to his soul mate, wherever they were…

Erwin braced himself and made the first cut.

Levi checked his pistol for the fourth time. Still loaded.
Well, it’d need to be if he was to do what he needed to do. He continued to
stalk through the dark alleyways; he’d find them eventually…or they’d find him. At this point, it
was either him or them anyway, and he had nothing to lose. If Kenny could see
him now…

Would he be proud or
would he say I’m shit for doing this? Levi thought on this for another few
minutes—it was a much nicer thought to have on his mind—before deciding it ultimately
didn’t matter what the old fart thought. It appeared that he found them anyways, inadvertently stumbling
upon their nest while lost in thought.

All eyes peered at the lone stranger in their camp, and
within seconds, all guns were drawn.

Almost thirty years
old and I’m still eating mac n’ cheese from a box.

Erwin sighed and tossed the box into the cart. Damn it, if
he was old enough to live in a decently sized apartment, have a
well-paying job, and all the while go to college, then he could reward himself
with some mac n’ cheese every once in a while.

Dad would be proud…He
chuckled at the fond memory of his father. Bless the old man’s soul, he didn’t
live to see Erwin grow from awkward teenager to flourishing young man. He’d
died peacefully, though, claiming that his own soul mate was waiting on him.

Speaking of which…Erwin
slowly rolled up his sleeve, peering at the odd self-inflicted scar he made on
his arm. His soul mate’s scars—white and faded—lingered just inches above his
own. Erwin was almost happy to note that the message he sent all those years
ago seemed to have successfully reached its recipient.  Years had past since anything too drastic
happened to his soul mate, and there were no new scars on his arms or legs as
of late.

But every once in a while he’d get phantom pangs of pain. Of
crippling loneliness. The pain racked his entire body, and the worst of it would
cause him to pass out or come very close to it. The loneliness was slightly
more bearable, but some days, Erwin could barely function with its presence
pressing on him.

But if these bursts of pain and isolation were this painful
for him, Erwin loathed imagining how painful they were for his soul mate. He’d
never wanted to meet someone so badly.

Erwin turned down another aisle, searching for laundry
detergent, when he felt…tension. The
feeling was nothing short of electrifying, as if millions of gallons of
adrenaline were flooding his veins all at once. His heart thudded soundly in
his ears, his stomach plummeted, and he had half a mind to go sprinting through
the store. Erwin was on high alert now.

What’s going on…?
Erwin clutched at his chest, hoping the heart racing inside would calm down
soon. Here he was making a spectacle of himself again in public; maybe not so
much had changed since adolescence.

Then an agonizing wave of pain tore through Erwin’s left
side, just below his ribcage. Erwin instantly crumbled over his cart. The pain
was unbelievably unbearable, as if someone had caught him in the side with a
searing brand. Tears sprung to his eyes, and he stifled the scream climbing up
his throat. Even doubled over, the pain didn’t subside.

Please, help…But
who could he call out to? No one was around to help him, and he was doubtful
anyone would try. He desperately clutched the sides of his cart—if only to
minimize the pain—and his entire body trembled with effort. His body and mind
shrieked at him, but somehow, Erwin managed to right himself. The endeavor took
patience, and a lot of heavy breathing, but luckily no one ventured down the
aisle.

He had to leave. Now.

He’d paid for his scant amount of groceries at the front,
all the while desperately hoping the lady bagging them all wouldn’t notice how
horribly he was hiding his pain. Luckily, she was content to ignore Erwin’s
pain, and Erwin left the store, a paper sack in his right hand and blinding
pain biting into his left side.

Levi groaned in pain, a stream of swears fell from his lips
as he slid down the wall. All odds had been incredibly stacked against him, but
he was still alive. Levi cast a disparaging glance back at their bodies. All
eight. All bloody. All dead. All gone.

“Serves you right, fuckfaces,” he spit. Blood and spittle
dribbled past bruised lips. His ass finally met the cold concrete below, and
Levi grunted as the sudden impact jostled his new injuries.

Fuck…Levi might’ve
soundly kicked their asses, but they did no go quietly into the night. He’d
dodged and danced his way around every bullet, and then the one asshole with
mediocre aim caught him in his left side with two bullets. Levi saved that one
for last, putting a bullet directly between his eyes as he begged and cried and
squealed for mercy. But mercy was a thing of the past…

Eight of them…for two
of mine…

A drive-by. The ultimate case of wrong place, wrong time. It
was just random misfortune that the two of them were walking the streets that
night, and neither of them had heard the car approaching. From what Levi had
heard on the streets, Farlan had tried to jump in front of Isabel and draw his weapon
first, but in the end, his heroics did nothing to save either of their lives.

Levi would’ve been perfectly content to bleed out in that
alleyway, but then this big, blond fool came up to him talking utter nonsense
out of his ass.

Well, it wasn’t
exactly nonsense, was it?

Levi peered down at his own arm. There it was: that
mysterious heart-shaped scar was on his forearm too, mere inches below his own
self-inflicted scars. Carved there by someone who’d had no experience with a
knife, let alone anything sharp. He’d wondered what kind of bullshit was going
on when each jagged cut randomly appeared on his arm. Kenny had told him that the
idea of soul mates was nothing more than a crock of steaming horseshit, and
Levi was more than willing to accept his deadbeat uncle’s views on that matter.

And yet…

“It was you…” the man repeated, awestruck. He then seemed to
take notice of Levi’s injuries; concerned blue eyes flickered to Levi’s
bleeding left side. “Please…”

“Levi.” He supplied shortly.

“Levi, come back to my apartment. I’ve got plenty of food
and aid there. I can help you if you let me.” The blond extended his hand for
Levi to take, but Levi remained unconvinced.

He let his head loll to the side as he thought about this
whole bizarre situation.

There’s no way…Soul
mates are just bullshit. Made up by lonely pieces of shit with no hope and too
much time on their damn hands. But, why?

Levi remembered then. He remembered when Kenny would waste
his money on cheap booze, women, and cigarettes instead of food, and yet Levi
would never feel hungry. He remembered when winter would wrap its icy grip
around their sad excuse of a house, and yet Levi would never feel cold. He
remembered when Kenny would beat and harass and demean him in a drunken rage,
and yet Levi could still feel love.

Warmth, fullness, love: no one in Levi’s life had ever
supplied such luxuries…

Maybe Kenny was wrong…The promise of possible food, shelter,
and help was something a lowlife like him was willing to entertain.  Levi considered his options, considered his
chances, and  he chose.

It’s not like I have
anything to lose…“Okay…”

“Smith. Erwin Smith.”

“Okay, Erwin Smith.
I’ve made my choice…I’ll trust you. For now at least. Fuckin’ help get me up.”

Erwin helped Levi to his two feet, letting Levi put as much
weight on him as he needed. Erwin made sure to avoid Levi’s wounds. He’d have
to clean and patch them up when they got back. Erwin scooped up his dropped bag
of groceries with his unoccupied hand.

“Don’t make me regret this, Smith,” Levi warned.

Erwin chuckled, “I wouldn’t dream of it, Levi.